Nigerians misplaced their sense of humour a few weeks ago when they heard the Ghanaian pidgin-rap duo the FOKN Bois' track Thank God We're Not A Nigerians (Right-click to DOWNLOAD), retaliating with insults on various social media sites - which were answered in kind by Ghanaians - and even calling for the song to be banned. The sense of outrage was a little odd, seeing as the two countries are friendly rivals - rather like The Netherlands and Belgium, or the UK and Germany - and the FOKN Bois are known for their use of humour in music and film.
It is true that relations between the two countries have, at times, been strained. Ghana gained its independence in 1957, three years ahead of Nigeria. As a result many Nigerians moved to Ghana, and by 1969 accounted for a significant enough proportion of the country's population for it to be seen as a problem. With the Aliens Compliance order of 1969, the Nigerians, along with other immigrants, were forced to leave. But then things began to pick up in Nigeria in the 1970s and it was the turn of Ghanaians to migrate, which many did. To Nigeria. Then in 1983, when Ghana was going through a really tough time, Nigeria deported about a million Ghanaian and other immigrants, and another 300,000 in early 1985. But the fences were mended soon afterwards and since then the rivalry has been friendly, finding expression most often on the football field, or on stage. 
The FOKN Bois
Still, the level of invective was strong enough for the duo to release a statement defending their song, explaining that it was meant in jest, and was supposed to hype up fans ahead of the Ghana vs. Nigeria football match scheduled for the 9th, but which was cancelled due to the London riots.
Now an anonymous Nigerian who, thankfully, did see it in the spirit in which it was intended has responded with the song Thank God We Are Not Ghanaians. This ought to put the friendliness back into the rivalry, and resolve the family tiff.
LYRICS
THANK GOD WE ARE NOT A NIGERIANS
Kofi is a common name, that’s what even I say
But a Ghana man will never call a child Friday
Thank God we’re not a Nigerians
Always shouting very loud, don’t know how to whisper
And why say Mistor, instead of Mister
Thank God we’re not a Nigerians
You like school more than any African I’ve seen
Simple thirteen, you still say tharteen
Thank God we’re not a Nigerians
They ban the whole team, you can’t even play
Can’t you just say Hi, what is Ki lon sele
Thank God we’re not a Nigerians
You barely qualify, then get stuck
President Goodluck but you still suck
Thank God we’re not a Nigerians
Instead of Hamburger or Pizza with ham
You eat Egusi with pounded yam
Thank God we’re not a Nigerians
Always trying to show off, even when you eat
One soup, no vegetable but twelve different meat
Thank God we’re not a Nigerians
Fela was a great Musician, yes of course
But why (Inaudible) ... drugs
Thank God we’re not a Nigerians
You created Nollywood, yes more of it
But too many witches and wizards in your films
Thank God we’re not a Nigerians
Always in traditional wear everywhere
Haven’t you hear of Armani wear
Thank God we’re not a Nigerians
For example shining five piece agbada
You can look nice in Dolce and Gabbana
Thank God we’re not a Nigerians
Not going anywhere fast, let’s just stroll
Traffic everywhere, many bad bad roads
Thank God we’re not a Nigerians
No street light from Oregun to Ikeja
Four four, join join two two on okada
Thank God we’re not a Nigerians
Extra page in your passport to pass and go
You have learn very well from Obasanjo
Thank God we’re not Nigerians
Email fraud, Pyramid, 419
Oh, that’s not fine
Thank God we’re not a Nigerians
But at least you are better than Liberians
So thank God you’re not a Liberians
(Photo credit: Getty Images)
THANK GOD WE ARE NOT GHANAIANS
Can you imagine Ghanaians abusing Nigeria, the giant of Africa, the sunshine, the mountain, and the golf of oil of Africa? Ghana, let us teach you some English, for there’s going to be some diplomatic brouhaha o, if President Atta Mills doesn’t call the Foka Sibe Boys to order
Which country in the world calls their friends “Charlie” and names all their men after weekdays and weekends, Kwado (Monday), Kwabena (Tuesday), Kwaku (Wednesday), Yau (Thursday), Kofi (Friday), Kwame (Saturday), Kwesi (Sunday)? Una too much o
And you are so laid back, you don’t even know, look at every bank around you, it is UBA, ECO-Bank and Zenith bank. Your mobile phones are routed through Lagos, MTN, Vodafone, Tigo and whatever! Charlie, Thank God we are not Ghanaians o
See your president worships in Lagos, pays tithes to Synagogue, even your under-something football team relies on Pastor T.B Joshua to win the World Cup because there is no God in Ghana. Charlie, thank God I’m not a Ghanaian o
When was the last time Ghana had a national team after Abedi Pele and Tony Yeboah started hawking spicy Rob and puff-puff. Charlie, thank God we are not Ghanaians o
Instead of getting down on Amala, Pounded yams and orisirishi, you eat burnt rice three times a day and call it a funky name “Wache” as if we won’t understand. Charlie, Thank God we are not Ghanaians
Since Fela left Ghana you only knew how to sing old highlife and wedding songs, who marries with a Ghanaian music anymore anyway. Thank God we are not Ghanaians o
And remember Nigerians created Nollywood, but Ghanaians are stuck trying to create something, should we call it “Nannawood?” with the same characters - kofi, nana, kwabena and Elizabeth…you can’t even get near any wood, Charlie, thank God I’m not a Ghanaian o
And why did Obama come here and didn’t spend a second night, was it because Accra was too boring??? Charlie, thank God we are not Ghanaians o.
Please if you can’t afford three-piece Nigerian agbada stop wearing the black and white stripe school uniform and call it a national attire, after all you have discovered oil, please dress better, OK. Charlie, thank God we are not Ghanaians o.
Our traditional rulers are cruising around in Bentley, Mercedes Benz, and BMW but yours are still hanging on wooden limos, Charlie, thank God we are not Ghanaians o
We know you love to do 419 but tell me who will send you money when you send a dead chicken by FedEx in the name of Sakawa. Thank God we’re not Ghanaians o
Brothers, make una show some respect to the big brother next door, otherwise we will ask Lagosians to move over to Accra and overrun the place.
And as Fela taught, Fefe n’efe ntina obaa tu amirika a, ense na nofona yese, ebete ato nti, ebete ato ntio, ebeti aton ti, abeti atontia, ebeti atonti, ebeti atonti e, ebeti atonti
Make una warn unaself o, na condition way make crayfish bend
